jessica raphaela's posts with tag: heartbreaks
my day started out well.
i enjoyed social dance even though we did far from excellent in the practical exam. (okay. we sucked. haha. sorry camille.) it was still fun.
i loved the day more when he sent me a text message. :))
we had a looooong break because we had no comm1. (thank God!)
philosophy was also miraculously interesting today.
and my individual discussion will probably be rescheduled next week. (thank God again!)
see! my day was picture-perfect.
..........
until it was time to go home.
here were the catastrophes that folowed:(they merely foreshadowed what would happen next)- we were separated from chantel, kristan, and camille while walking towards pedro gil.
- i almost slipped because of the slippery pavement.
- somebody got hurt.
- we found out that our friends left already.
- i had to try exiting the LRT twice because the bar didn't work at first.
AND THEN.....(tatagalugin ko para mas emosyonal. haha.)- napansin ko na medyo deformed ung MRT card ko (na linagay ko sa backpocket ko nung uwian). as in sobrang hindi talaga prominent yung damage kaya hindi ko pinansin.
- pagka-bili ni Nikko ng card nya, pumunta na kami dun sa entrance bars (o kung ano man tawag dun).
- pinasok ko ung card ko, tapos... TICKET REJECTED GO TO THE TICKET OFFICE.
- nangiilam pa yung manong sa likod ko tas sabi nya, balikatad siguro. (manong, nakasakay na naman po ako sa MRT. pero salamat sa concern)
- triny ko dun sa katabing entrance. TICKET REJECTED GO TO THE TICKET OFFICE.
- so siyempre, pumunta na ko sa ticket office. (nandun na nga pala si nikko sa kabilang side)
- manong guard: bakit?
- ako: rejected po kasi eh.
- manong guard: (tinignan card ko) ai, patay, hindi na yan pwede!
- salamat sa support at optimism niyo manong.
- manong guard: sige, tanong mo dyan sa loob.
- ako: pipila po ako? (medyo mahaba)
- manong guard: hindi, sumingit ka na lang dyan.
- so siyempre, pumunta na ko sa dun sa gilid ng ticket office. pero hindi ako makasingit sa mga tao. i'm not good at those things, especially when all the competitors will do anything to get home as soon as possible. whatever it takes.
- kaya, pumila na lang ako.
- habang nasa pila ako, tinuro ni nikko ung mga mama dun sa harap, sumisingit ba naman! na-reject din ata tickets nila kaya sumingit na nga sila dun sa harap. argh! pwede pala talaga sumingit! grrrrr.
- nung ako na, sinabi ko kay ate na na-reject yung ticket ko. kinuha nya. tinignan. pinasok sa machine nila. ayaw din ata. nag-diskusyon pa sila nung isang ate sa office. hanggang sa sinabi nila, pumunta daw ako dun sa ticket office dun sa other end.
- so pumunta naman kami ni nikko. (kawawa talaga si nikko. sorry!!!)
- pagdating ko dun sa kabilang ticket office, tinignan na naman nung ate. sabi niya, "HINDI NA YAN PWEDE." ate, 70pesos pa laman niyan! gusto ko talagang sabihin sa kanya yun. grabe, wala siyang puso.
- siyempre, nakiilam na naman yung manong sa likod. (ibang maning na toh ah).
- "friendly" manong: stored value ba yan?
- ako: opo.
- "friendly" manong: bago?
- ako: twice ko pa lang po nagagamit.
- "friendly" manong: ano bang problema?
- ako: (pinakita yung card) ito po oh.
- "friendly" manong: yan lang? sabihin mo! ipaliwanag mo!
- ako: (frustrated na. hahahaha.)
- dahil feeling ko wala talagang puso si ate. pumila na lang ako dun para bumili ng bagong stored value card.
- 100pesos un. 500pesos na buo yung pera ko. "WALA NA PO BA KAYONG SMALLER BILL?" pinakita ni ate yung 500 nya. siguro kakabayad lang sa kanya. shem. wala pa siyang panukli. e ung isa ko pang bill, 500 din at simut na simut na barya ko. how lucky can i get.
- so punta naman kami ni nikko dun sa isa pang ticket office (iba pa dun sa una). natuwa pa ako kasi nakakita ako ng maraming 100's dun sa parang box ni ate. so, sinabi ko na na pabili ng stored value card na 100. biglang, "DUN PO KAYO SA KABILA."
- pagtingin ko dun sa pila, ANG HABA.
- ako: O.o
- manong guard: ano daw?
- ako: hindi na daw po pwede. (sad face)
- manong guard: patingin nga. (kinuha yung card) eh kakabili mo lang naman nito diba?
- ako: nung thursday pa po eh.
- manong guard: ah. kaya pala. kasi iingatan mo yung card mo. hindi pwede masira.
- ako: osige po, salamat kuya. (kahit pa po hindi nyo sinabi, kung pwde lang, ipapalaminate ko na mrt at lrt cards ko from now on :)) )
- manong guard: san ba kayo pupunta?
- ako: north avenue po. (hanggang ayala lang si nikko pero kailangan ko pa ba i-explain sa kanya yun?)
- manong guard: ah. edi dun ka na lang sa line na yun oh. maiksi pa. pang north ave na single journey lang dun.
- ako: ah. okay po. (I LOVE YOU MANONG!)
- so pumunta na ako dun sa pila. siguro, kung wala pa silang barya, o hindi ako pwde dun, o kung ano pa mang kamalasan, MAGLALAKAD NA LANG AKO PAUWI. pero wala naman. whew. nagkaron na rin ng matinong card.
- so ininsert ko na ung card dun sa may entrance. with matching kaba pa yun. kasi grabe ng kahihiyan sa mga staff ng MRT kung magka-problema na naman diba?
ATLAST, nakapasok na din.i couldn't apologize to nikko enough for the delay.
we spent about 20 minutes just shuffling from one ticket office to another.
good thing, he was patient (and very very very optimistic) all throughout.
or atleast that's what he showed me. haha.
how would i know if deep inside he thought that HE WILL NEVER GO HOME WITH SUCH A LUCK-DEPRIVED PERSON EVER AGAIN?
"i know it hurts. for what it's worth. it can only get better."
"'cause you had a bad day."
-kinakanta ni nikko habang nasa train na kami-
yes nikko,
i had a bad day.
but what matters most.
is that it was such a funny adventure.
i have to admit,
i got really frustrated.
but when i remember the things that happened.
i just couldn't help but laugh at myself.
i just couldn't believe that A SERIES OF UNBELIEVABLY UNFORTUNATE EVENTS even occur outside the pages of Lemony Snicket's books.
believe me, they do.
updates.
sira parin ang smart bro til now.
so goodluck naman at naka-dial up ako.
namimiss ko ng tadtarin ng posts ang multiply ko every week. argh.
haha, sorry sa naghihintay ng pics nung avo outing.
promise, i'll upload them once naayos na ang connection namin. :)
driving lessons.
wieeeee. tapos na ang driving lessons ko. :))
enjoy naman at maraming natutunan.
sa una, nakakakaba talaga. feeling ko mapapatay ko lahat ng taong madadaanan namin at mababangga ang lahat ng kotseng makakasalubong namin. :))
pero nawala din naman yung takot slowly.
mas comfortable na ko ngayon.
practice practice na lang para gumaling naman ako. :))
salamat sir warren. :)
haircut.
so okay. another hair disaster. please remind me to NEVER get a haircut before any major event in my life.
so pumunta kami kagabi sa david's at riniquest si mr. ojie (siya na kasi ung regular hairdresser namin dun).
sabi ko, trim lang po at paiksian ng side bangs.
tas sabi nya, uso ngayon ung straight bangs.
tas sabi ko, ah, next time na lang po... ayaw pumayag.
tas mommy ko naman sinuportahan pa siya.
asus, mukha tuloy akong cleopatra ngayon. ahuhu.
but i learned not to care much about it...
hahaba din naman uli ang bangs ko, at after a month, balak ko na bumalik para magpa-side bangs na uli. :))
highschool.
hai, goodbye na talaga.
i can't believe i have to wake up in the morning and not go to quesci.
and not see my classmates.
and not do everything the way i had to do them for 4 years.
wah. COOP! GUARD HOUSE! FLAG CEM! SMB! AVO! QUESCI!
college.
kamusta naman yun at college na pala talaga ako.
i am nervous about the more difficult challenges ahead and the numerous changes i'll undergo.
but at the end of the day, what matters most, is that we do our best and we do everything for God.
kaya ayun, whatever comes, i know everything will turn out fine. :)
first day.
wah, first day of college na bukas.
ano kaya mangyayari? malalate kaya ako? hahaha.
i hope i can make many new friends. wieeeee. hahaha.
summer.
overall, ayos naman summer ko.
parang bitin ng unti dahil andami ko pang books na gusto basahin...
at asianovelas na gusto panuorin. :))
hahaha. ang cute kasi ng stories nila e.
ang cute cute pa ni wu zun at joe cheng. :))
nakapagpahinga naman din dahil normally, 8-9hrs tulog ko. :))
at nakapag-bakasyon din sa laguna at thailand.
i can't say that this is my happiest summer vacation...pro mukhang eto na last ko ee. haha.
pero i have to say, i also enjoyed my vacation.
BUH-BYE summer.
HELLOOO college.
 grabe. super gandang tv series.
as in super ganda talaga. :))
sana mapanood niyo. :)
my all-time favorite. :) 
| | after four years.
of cramming.
of staying up late.
of not sleeping at all.
we finally got our diplomas :)
*haha. matagal na nasa drafts ko to. i forgot to publish. :))*
*published : June 25, 08 :) * |
| | hai. ok, so i am currently undergoing SEPARATION SYNDROME.
well, bago ko magdrama sa inappropriate part ng multiply ko, i'll stop...haha....
MOST OF THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN BY ANGEL. DON'T ACCUSE ME OF STALKING. HAHA.
seriously, ANGEL'S GUILTY!!!
aun, love you avo. i'll take more pics and try to post them all here. =] |
 | T.T | Oct 17, '07 5:14 AM
for everyone |
wala na siya. summer nun nung magkakilala kami. weird nga e. tlgang na-l0ve at first sight ak0 sa knya. asteeg kxe xa. pro hindi lng xa asteeg sa physical appearance e. naging kaibigan ko kxe xa. kapag malungkot ako, napapasaya nya ko. kapag naiiyak ako, napapatawa nya ko. kapag may problema ko, napapalapit nya ko sa mga kaibigan ko. naging masyado na nga ata ak0ng dependent sa knya e. ganun pala un noh? s0metimes u depend on sumthing s0 much that when thy're g0ne, y0u d0nt kn0w h0w t0 d0 the things u used t0 d0 t0gether. sinaktan ko xa. binato. hinulog. pro kahit na ganun, ndi xa sumuko. pro ngaun, wala na xa sakin. at alam kong ndi na xa mababalik. kahapon, iyak ak0 ng iyak. kahit na alam k0ng wala namang matutl0ng un. kasalanan k0 naman kxe ang lahat. at di na kxe xa mababalik sakin. pro kahit na, umiyak parin ako. mahina kxe ako. lal0 na pag wla xa. lahat ng pinag-daanan namin. lahat ng masasayang pinagsamahan. lahat ng iyakan. lahat. lahat lahat na. hindi na sila madadagdagan. tapos na. hanggang dun na lng tlga kami e. s0rry super audrey, dahil nawalan ng saysay ang pagligtas naten sa kanya. wala na nga xa. wla na ang cellpone ko. its n0 ordinary material thing. it has a st0ry. it c0ntains a part of me. and maybe losing that part is what sticks out the most. still, sabi nga ng iba, "bagay lng yan, pwedeng palitan". although no ph0ne can ever replace the things i've shared with m0t0... im m0ving 0n. its the 0nly way t0 g0. _+_+ hahaha.  grabe. ang drama k0 na naman +_+_ _drama queen m0de_  
be thankful that y0u d0nt have everything y0u desire. if u did, what w0uld be there t0 l00k f0rward t0? be thankful for the difficult times... its during those times that y0u gr0w... be thankful f0r y0ur limitati0ns... because they give y0u opportunities f0r impr0vement... be thankful f0r y0ur mistakes... they will teach y0u valuable less0ns... find a way t0 be thankful f0r y0ur tr0ubles and they will be y0ur blessings. grabe, s0brang weird ng araw na t0. s0brang r0ller c0aster ride tlga xa. may happy m0ments, but it ended in a sad way... tap0s, nagulat na lng ak0 sa txt msg na yan (thanks nathan.), s0brang na-lift up ung spirits k0... na these will all be w0rth it... may the f0rce be with me... =P
its amazing how one person can change your entire day. how one person can do something so simple. yet that simple thing becomes something so special. because of one simple reason....he was the one who did it. =) i hope this can last forever. i hope i won't wake up from this dream. because when i do, i know the only thing left for me to do, is to let him go. and cry. cry. until i convince myself that he's simply not the one.
| X | Jun 25, '07 10:53 AM
for everyone |
how can one person have such a great impact on your life?
how can one person make you happy without doing anything?
how can that person be the person you shouldn't like?
how can that person be the person who may forever hurt you?
how can that person be the hardest person to forget? tha hardest to resist? and the easiest to fall for?
how can that person be X ?
it hurts...for some reason it does. it hurts to see you look at her. it hurts to see y0u smile cause 0f her. it hurts to l00k at the gift y0u gave me and w0nder if y0u still care f0r me as much as y0u did bef0re. it hurts t0 kn0w that y0u spent l0ads of time t0gether. it hurts t0 kn0w that y0u are happy with her. it hurts t0 kn0w that G0d br0ught y0u t0gether.
i'm w0unded. it hurts t0 kn0w that i d0nt have the right t0 get hurt. but it hurts m0st when i kn0w that i c0uld have been that girl. it hurts t0 kn0w that i 0nce had the chance t0 tell y0u that i care as much as y0u did. it hurts t0 kn0w that i cant d0 anything cause y0u are cl0se f0r the right reas0n. it hurts t0 kn0w that i can never tell y0u h0w i care. it hurts t0 think of what might have been if i 0nly t0ld y0u h0w much i liked y0u t00.
it hurts t0 see y0u everyday and think t0 myself h0w much i wanna tear myself up infr0nt 0f y0u just t0 hear y0u ask me if im alright, just t0 see y0u l00k at me the way y0u l00k at her.
summer's ab0ut t0 end.
tw0 m0nths 0f l0ve. tw0 m0nths 0f s0rr0w. tw0 m0nths 0f happiness. tw0 m0nths 0f disc0ntent. tw0 m0nts of further gr0wth. tw0 m0nths 0f summer.
there is n0 d0ubt that i felt summer pass me by. the heat was in itself en0ugh t0 ruin a beautiful day. this summer was a h0t 0ne. did i feel the vacati0n? n0w that's an0ther st0ry... i have t0 admit that i feel disc0ntented with the length of our rest peri0d.
we 0nly had 0ne m0nth 0f rest, the 0ther 0ne was spent, studying. 0h yes, studying, waiting f0r the time t0 expire, waiting f0r the less0ns, m0ck quizzes and m0ck UPCAT and ACET to end. and it did, after a m0nth. even th0ugh i spent that m0nth thinking instead 0f sleeping, i have t0 admit that i still feel happy that i t00k the review less0ns, n0t only did i learn t0 c0mmute, but i als0 spent time with friends and m0st imp0rtantly, i h0nestly feel that the less0ns really help my brain refresh its past acquaintances with math and sience. it was w0rthwhile.
believe it 0r n0t, in the sh0rt passage 0f time, i had tw0 infatuati0ns. and a l0t of new crushes (please d0nt make me c0unt). h0wever, i leraned s0mething imp0rtant this summer. i'm y0ung. we're y0ung. i realized why d0 i keep 0n searching f0r new kilig m0ments, when n0ne of them last? i realized that the time will c0me f0r me t0 find the right pers0n. and by that time, it will be the right time. the time t0 take things seri0usly. but as 0f n0w, im a catterpillar inside a c0c00n. n0t yet ready t0 expl0re the danger0us w0rld. waiting f0r my time t0 finally c0me.
i als0 realized an0ther thing, i'm fragile. i'm easily br0ken. i'm like a p0rcelain vase that can easily br0ken, but cann0t be reassembled easily. and 0nce y0u've reassembled me, i'm a different vase, a vase that was 0nce br0ken. a vase that is n0w scarred and inc0mplete. i get hurt easily. i cry a l0t. each tear, i 0ffer t0 g0d, cause i kn0w that he al0ne can make me str0nger, he al0ne can give me the patience t0 wait and the strength t0 endure.
many g00d things happened. many bad things happened. still, i feel happy with the vacati0n i had. its better t0 have a m0nth 0f vacati0n than t0 have n0ne at all.ü
my last sch00lyear in quesci is ab0ut t0 start. my last sch00lyear as the classmate 0f SMB. my last sch00year 0f highsch00l. my last sch00l year where i can call myself a SCIENTIAN. my lastsch00lyear t0 walk the gr0unds 0f the sch00l that has watched me bl0ss0m int0 the pers0n that i am t0day. my last sch00lyear t0 gr0w with the very witnesses 0f my gr0wth. my last sch00lyear spent in the very shelter 0f my awakening. my last sch00lyear in quesci.
sad vide0. sad s0ng. still, i l0ve it.ü Import.flv (13.4 MB)
one of the c00lest vide0s and s0ng i've seen. please watch please.ü Import.flv (7.7 MB)
a nice sentimental s0ng.ü Import.flv (8.3 MB)
a s0ng f0r guys you just wanna kill.ü Import.flv (9.6 MB)
i l0ve this s0ng. enj0y!ü Import.flv (9.9 MB)
i l0ve this s0ng. the vide0's okay.ü
check this 0ut! Import.flv (11.8 MB)
mga l0ve s0ngs.ü s0me 0f my fav0rites.ü
c00l vide0. nice s0ng.ü Import.flv (9.8 MB)
i just realized yesterday h0w al0ne i am. my life's n0 drama. i have a l0ving family. im an 0nly child but i have my c0usins. my parents are always at w0rk but i can always visit my l0la s0me bl0cks away. yet yesterday, it sinked in 0n me : i'm always al0ne. and maybe that's h0w my life is.
i spent the past few days with my c0usin sleeping over our h0use. it was fun but i can't deny the fact that i l0st my temper s0metimes. i t0ld myself "hai, sana umuwi na t0." yesterday, my aunt fetched my c0usin and als0 t0ld me ab0ut their pr0blem.
as my c0usin went away, a stabbing pain jabbed thr0ugh my heart. i knew that as i l0cked 0ur d00r, i'm back t0 my 0ld self. my al0ne self. i didn't have any0ne t0 fight with 0ver the rem0te c0ntr0l. over the c0mputer. 0ver anything stupid. it made me sad.
the day went 0n. i missed him even m0re. as i g0t l0nelier. i remembered my parents. the past week, they always g0 h0me late because 0f their w0rk. i barely g0t t0 spend any time with them. thay went h0me tired, needing rest. i th0ught ab0ut h0w i missed them. h0w i missed talking t0 them. h0w i missed fighting with them. that feeling made me cry. it br0ke my heart in a way that i can really feel my heart breaking. i prayed t0 g0d, asking him f0r strength, the strength that w0uld make me understand the necessity 0f what they were d0ing.
God is indeed great. last night, my m0m came h0me early, 7:30. it really made me happy but i didn't want t0 be that 0bvi0us. i didn't fight with her last night. i als0 did s0me ch0res s0 she can rest. we talked ab0ut s0me tv sh0ws, sh0wbiz and blah blah. she als0 asked me ab0ut my crushes and insisted "id0l" t0 be my crush. it may be such a petty reas0n t0 be happy. but it sincerely made me happy.
maybe i am always al0ne. i'm pr0bably used t0 it. but wh0 cares? if at the end 0f the day, i get t0 spend quality time with the pers0ns i l0ve m0st.ü
once again, nil desperadum.ü
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